productive day

I have to say that today was a productive day for me. I took Rhys to daycare around 9:30 am and then came home and got right to doing paperwork for work that I'd been putting off for days now. I knew that if I didn't get it done today, I wouldn't have time later. Well, I think after printing everything and then filling everything out, it took me about 2 hours. Then I started to wonder what I wanted to eat for lunch as well as what I was going to feed my family for dinner. I looked to see what was inside my fridge and I really started to scratch my head. How can it be that I spend $50-$100 at the grocery store about once a week and still have nothing in my fridge to eat? I only have a family of three! Rhys does eat a lot, but he eats one of his meals at daycare! I opened the freezer door to find a few items that I made to freeze (won't use those unless I'm working on the weekends) and not much more! There were some frozen dumplings, some frozen ravioli and Dino nuggets, but nothing else really. I saw the bag of mexican cheese I bought a couple weeks ago and noticed that there was a recipe on the back of the bag for spanish rice! So with that, I was all set to make a spanish dinner. I went to Albertsons to buy the ingredients for the spanish rice as well as some chicken and coleslaw. Can you believe it!?? It cost me $40!! How??? I guess it would have cost me $30 if I didn't buy fruit. But in any case...$30! I might as well just eat out! It's just as much money and I don't have to cook or do dishes! Sigh...but I want to cook somewhat healthy meals for Rhys so I try to cook. Oh yea, I realized that I really suck at cooking. My spanish rice was more like spanish mush. Good thing the recipe called for cheese. That's the only thing that saved my sad dish. Thank goodness Rhys ate it up!! Hehe. He will eat almost anything if it has a sprinkling of cheese on it. Also...I thought I liked cooking too! I don't really like it these days. I really am starting to understand what my mom would mean when she'd say, "I love eating food that other people cook for me!" Nowadays, I cook because I have to, not because I want to. 

I find myself always stressing over what to make for dinner. I buy cookbooks that have recipes that I can make for my family, but I honestly don't even try to attempt most of the recipes. Poor Rhys...and poor Brian. I should just do it, but the few times that I do, it just doesn't turn out right...and I don't have the patience or the time to try and do it again. I don't know where my passion for cooking went. I used to love going to the grocery store every other day to buy the few ingredients I would need to make dinner for the next couple of nights. I remember when I first moved to SD, I'd actually make lunches for Brian. 

I used to bake too! To be perfectly honest, I don't have time. I spend most of my days trying to keep our home from looking like it's been recently burglarized or catching up on sleep after a night of working. Sometimes I think to myself...if I can take an hour to bake a pie, I can use that time to cook a meal and freeze some of it for later in the week. 

Overall I feel so bad for both of the men in my life that I haven't been making delicious meals. I am so thankful that they eat what I give them though...I love them so much!!