So I find myself always waiting like a year before I write on this blog. I can't believe time travels so fast and I haven't written anything down so I can read it later! I just typed that today would be different, but who am I kidding. I'll still try though.

I shouldn't have zoomed in, but this is Rhys right now, building his star wars lego set that he got for his birthday from his grandparents. He's super excited that he's old enough to build these, but he also gets quite frustrated that it is quite difficult at times. He has cried a few times as well, but thankfully Brian came to the rescue. He's such a good kid.

This past Sunday was their first t-ball game together!

Rhys did quite well, but Maddy was done after one inning. I guess that's about as much as you can ask for a three year old. Let's hope the rest of the season goes well. I just think they look so adorable in their matching uniforms! Maddy could pass for a boy for sure, lol!

Carol is leaving for Bahrain in a week exactly. I'm definitely not ready for this to happen. I'm not ready for all the emotion that I am going to have to deal with that day. Thankfully I was able to switch shifts with someone so I don't have to go to work that night. I think I will probably be a wreck. For tonight though, Carol and her crew are coming over for dinner. The menu? Kimchi Jjigae with kalbi and corn on the cob with some jap chae. Sounds a little weird, probably cuz some of the food is left over from the weekend. 

Oh yea! Rhys had his 6th birthday party over the weekend! We decided to do it at chuck e cheese. 

Maddy was sad that she initially wasn't allowed to go into the ticket tunnel, but the nice guy working there let Maddy and Mia get a turn too. I think all of us were helping Maddy and Rhys get as many tickets as they could. It was fun, but I realized later that Anthony was upset because he found out that we were helping Rhys get tickets. Qiana told him that it was because it was Rhys' birthday, but that didn't help. I imagine it is cuz he is the center of attention at his house since he is the youngest, so he is not used to not being paid attention to.

Carol and I actually decided to have a dual birthday party for Rhys and Taylor. It was probably one of the better ideas we had cuz the kids loved it and it was easier for us since there was no cleanup and the kids could run around all they wanted.

New Rooms

Today we finally moved rhys into our spare room and maddy into rhys' old room.  We have been sleep training maddy but thought that she needs to be in her own room for it to really work. I went in to check on her every 5 minutes...about 3 times. She finally went down after about 20 mins of crying. That was at 8:33 pm. Its been about 1.5 hrs. We shall see how the rest of the night goes. I hope to tell people that we have a good sleeper soon. They can sleep 10 hour stretches at this age apparently. Maddy seriously wakes up every 1.5 to 2 hours throughout the night. She has also recently started tossing and turning more and more violently in bed. She wakes up and sees me and then proceeds to toss onto my face! I'm like dude!

I hope we can have 2 good sleepers so brian can have a good night when I'm at work...so he's not butt tired after a busy night of wakings and feedings. I pray!

On a positive note, because Rhys and I are out and about so much, maddy sleeps quite well in the carseat. I can actually transfer her to our bedroom and she will still sleep there for an hour.

Here is a pic of both of them sleeping

Baking with Rhys

Today I spent the day with Rhys and managed to keep the Octonaut watching to somewhat of a minimum. I think we watched maybe a total of an hour...and even that was broken up into two sessions. Rhys always says to me, "Mommy, can I help you?" Whenever he sees me doing something, he wants to take part in it. So I figured, why not bake and have him help me I out! So we went to Chipotle and then walked around the Petco to look at the animals. Then we went into vons to get some missing ingredients. There is a scary skeleton that is on sale at vons that rhys is scared of. The skeleton is in a jail and he screams, "Get me outta here! I don't belong here! Rawr!" I always ask him if he wants me to take him home and he says no. In fact, he tells me that he wants to get out of here. Lol.

Anyways, we came home and after I fed maddy and put her on my back, we started baking. I hadn't used the stand mixer since Rhys' 1st bday that I had to wash the dust off of it. He helped me put most of the ingredients in and he also scooped out the dough and put it on the pan. It seemed like he had lots of fun. He ate 4 cookies! I was only gonna give him 3, but I gave him the 4th so I could take a picture of him holding the cookie.

It actually took a bit of time so I was able to burn it well! I need to do more activities like that with Rhys. That way he has some fun and the time flies too!

First day of bottle training

Today was the first day of bottle training for Maddy. It's been a little tough, but we know that if she is very hungry, she will take the bottle...but only enough to keep her from starving. I'd say she takes in about an ounce at most. But my breast produce about 1.5 oz.

Update @ 10:10 pm: Maddy has taken the bottle! And not just an ounce, she took about 2 ounces and then later took maybe another 1 or 2 ounces! I warmed the bottle up to mimic my breastmilk temperature. I put about a third of my milk in the microwave for about 20 seconds and then mixed it with the cold milk. She took it like a charm! I was surprised and so proud of my little maddy cat. It only took a day for her to figure it out! I remember it took weeks for rhys to get it. But I also think that I maybe wasn't ready for rhys to get it either. I was always a nervous and anxious wreck when Rhys was an infant. I stressed myself out but I also stressed Brian out a lot. 

Today was totally different. I took Rhys to preschool while maddy was taking her morning nap (brian was at home). Then I came home after getting a car window shade for rhys from target and started officially bottle training her. She wasn't taking any by lunchtime so I pumped around 12:30 and then Brian and I were off to get some lunch and go to trader joes. She napped for us while we ate (yay!) 

......today is 3/18/16. I didnt realize i never finished this blog post. But I will still post.

productive day

I have to say that today was a productive day for me. I took Rhys to daycare around 9:30 am and then came home and got right to doing paperwork for work that I'd been putting off for days now. I knew that if I didn't get it done today, I wouldn't have time later. Well, I think after printing everything and then filling everything out, it took me about 2 hours. Then I started to wonder what I wanted to eat for lunch as well as what I was going to feed my family for dinner. I looked to see what was inside my fridge and I really started to scratch my head. How can it be that I spend $50-$100 at the grocery store about once a week and still have nothing in my fridge to eat? I only have a family of three! Rhys does eat a lot, but he eats one of his meals at daycare! I opened the freezer door to find a few items that I made to freeze (won't use those unless I'm working on the weekends) and not much more! There were some frozen dumplings, some frozen ravioli and Dino nuggets, but nothing else really. I saw the bag of mexican cheese I bought a couple weeks ago and noticed that there was a recipe on the back of the bag for spanish rice! So with that, I was all set to make a spanish dinner. I went to Albertsons to buy the ingredients for the spanish rice as well as some chicken and coleslaw. Can you believe it!?? It cost me $40!! How??? I guess it would have cost me $30 if I didn't buy fruit. But in any case...$30! I might as well just eat out! It's just as much money and I don't have to cook or do dishes! Sigh...but I want to cook somewhat healthy meals for Rhys so I try to cook. Oh yea, I realized that I really suck at cooking. My spanish rice was more like spanish mush. Good thing the recipe called for cheese. That's the only thing that saved my sad dish. Thank goodness Rhys ate it up!! Hehe. He will eat almost anything if it has a sprinkling of cheese on it. Also...I thought I liked cooking too! I don't really like it these days. I really am starting to understand what my mom would mean when she'd say, "I love eating food that other people cook for me!" Nowadays, I cook because I have to, not because I want to. 

I find myself always stressing over what to make for dinner. I buy cookbooks that have recipes that I can make for my family, but I honestly don't even try to attempt most of the recipes. Poor Rhys...and poor Brian. I should just do it, but the few times that I do, it just doesn't turn out right...and I don't have the patience or the time to try and do it again. I don't know where my passion for cooking went. I used to love going to the grocery store every other day to buy the few ingredients I would need to make dinner for the next couple of nights. I remember when I first moved to SD, I'd actually make lunches for Brian. 

I used to bake too! To be perfectly honest, I don't have time. I spend most of my days trying to keep our home from looking like it's been recently burglarized or catching up on sleep after a night of working. Sometimes I think to myself...if I can take an hour to bake a pie, I can use that time to cook a meal and freeze some of it for later in the week. 

Overall I feel so bad for both of the men in my life that I haven't been making delicious meals. I am so thankful that they eat what I give them though...I love them so much!! 

A case of Urticaria

Rhys has come down with a case of Urticaria...hives. He basically started with some weird looking bumps on his legs yesterday in the late morning that quickly progressed into these welts all over his armpits and his belly area. Rhys was still fortunately a happy camper so I wasn't too worried. However, at the end of the day, Brian and I decided to load him up with a dose of benadryl so he could sleep and hopefully have the rashes/hives go away. Unfortunately for us, his hives persisted even after a 2nd dose, so Brian took him to the Dr.'s office to get a checkup. I pretty much had a feeling that they wouldn't really be too concerned with the hives because he was afebrile and not lethargic. But I'm kinda glad he went because we at least ruled out an ear infection which was the reason he broke out in hives the last time. Brian ended up dropping rhys off in daycare and he did fine. 

Where was I during all of this you ask? I was taking an IV certification course that day. Caitlin and I decided to take it to try and improve our skills. I'm not sure I would say that I came out of the class feeling like I was much better skilled at starting an IV, but I did learn a few tips to try and hopefully make it easier for my future attempts. We shall see. The last two IVs that I started at work were a success so I hope that streak continues.

I'm really starting to consider picking up knitting again. Now that the weather has started to somewhat cool off, I am getting into the fall mood. Before Rhys came into this world, I was really getting into cable knitting and I think this is what was making knitting really fun for me because I was no longer knitting my boring designs and actually making something that looked more intricate and fun to look at. I am currently sitting on my bed with some yarn and some needles...debating whether I should pick up my needles and start knitting. I may...but I find that these days, sleep trumps just about everything. I start reading and within 20 minutes, my head is already on the pillow and I am snoring away. I love sleep! I am sleep deprived to say the least. On the days that I work, I get a max of 5.5 hours of sleep....and that ain't enough!! I probably should be sleeping now too. I think the only reason I'm awake is because of that iced coffee I had with my bagel sandwich from Einsteins Bros bagels today. 

I work two days: Saturday and Sunday and then I'm off for like 7 days! Well not totally off. I have a New Grad meeting on Tuesday and then two days at an OB/GYN conference on Thurs/Fri in downtown SD. Caitlin and I are going together and we are both really excited!!! I am excited to learn more about the field of nursing that I'm in and become a more informed nurse. Yay for education!! 

Sigh...my eyelids are falling...I should sleep. good night!! 

Best Fridays!

The best Fridays are the ones where I'm not working in the evening AND Rhys is in daycare. Today is that such day! Brian also has the day off today as well so that is an added bonus. Unfortunately Brian has scheduled doctor's appointments today and is stuck at the Dr.'s office due to a 45 minute delay. The cleaning lady is here today so I can't leave the house, but I'm happy that our house is getting cleaned while I rest!

I can't believe that the last time I wrote on this blog was when I started working as a nurse! It's been about 6 months now since I've started and I think I'm starting to get the hang of things now. Working nights actually works okay for me surprisingly. I think having Rhys to take care of tires me out enough that I never have any problems falling asleep. Brian and I fell asleep on our lovely new couch last night and didn't wake up until 4 in the morning. That couch I tell ya..it's so comfy that it's dangerous.

Stephanie moved out last Sunday and we miss her a lot these days. It still feels like she is just away for the week...but I'm sure in another few weeks it will really hit me that she is gone. But she is visiting next weekend so I am excited! Too bad I have to work the whole weekend. 

I tell ya...I start writing these things and I get about 2-3 paragraphs in and I go..."Hmm...that's it. That's all I have to say about my life." Many times I have started writing on this blog, only to erase the entry because it doesn't sound interesting at all. But you know what...at this rate, I'll never get a blog entry out. So I decided to write about anything. Even if I sound like my brain is all over the place, I'm just gonna write whatever is in my head at the time.

Here goes...
When I went to pick Rhys up from daycare yesterday, I asked his teacher how he liked "water day" this past Wednesday. She told me that he liked the water the most out of all the kids in his class. While the other kids were afraid of the spraying water, Rhys' remarks were of pure joy. He kept saying that it was raining! I knew Rhys would really love water days because he loves playing with water when we are at home.

The only downside to his love of water and playing outside is that he has developed quite the farmer's tan. 

My days these days are ridiculously the same day in and day out. So nothing really new happens that I really feel like I need to write about. What I do notice is that I'm always looking at my watch to see how much time I have free so I can get as much done during the day before I have to pick Rhys up. I have 5 hours before I need to pick him up today and I have two things I need to get done. I need to figure out what we will eat for dinner and cook it, and also get my nails done. I probably should read a little too. Currently I am reading For One More Day by Mitch Albom. I borrowed it from my coworker so I should finish it soon. Pretty quick read

 though...I'm already halfway through and I've only sat down to read it twice.

Ok ok...I will write more another day. Time to get some stuff done.

Finally starting as a nurse!!

I am finally going to be a real nurse! After 2 years of worrying if I'll ever get hired, I finally am starting my journey! Although I am very excited about this new adventure, I am also very scared. I feel like I've been put back into nursing school again. After 2 years of being out of nursing school, it is a weird feeling to have to think about all of these things again. I hope I'll get the hang of things soon. I'm also kinda sad that I won't be able to spend as much time with Rhys. Let's face it...I'm really sad.

All I wanted to do today after I came home was hug him and kiss him. I don't know what I'm going to do when I won't be able to see him for more than a day because of my schedule!! I have been with this kid non-stop for the past 15 months! And now I'm spending a lot of time away from him. I just hope that he adjusts well to being in Daycare. Oh man I love that kid so much!!!! Sniff Sniff...

It sounds weird, but I'm already thinking about baby number 2! I mean, we're not gonna have a baby any time soon, but I am thinking about when the right time may be to start thinking about having another baby.

But first, I need to make sure that I can make it through these 90 days out alive! I can't even miss more than 2 days of work without an approval. That scares me a little cuz it's almost like a 3 strikes you're out deal. Hopefully Brian and Stephanie can help out during the next 3 months if we come across any emergencies with Rhys.

Waking up at 5:30 in the morning is not something I'm looking forward to...

I better go pray for a good day tomorrow and then hit the sack!!

Here is a pic of Rhys sleeping with his Tigger.

19 Kids and Counting

So I've been pretty much obsessed with the TLC show, 19 Kids and Counting. They are the Duggars and they live in Arkansas. You could say that I watch it all day long. I have it on on my ipod that is hooked up to a speaker in my kitchen so I listen to episodes while I cook, eat with Rhys and so on. I dunno what it is about this show but I love watching them just live their lives! All of their kids' names start with the letter J and they have 9 girls and 10 boys! They are: Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jessa, Jill, Jennifer, Josie, Jordyn, James, Jason, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jinger, Justin, Jackson, Josiah, Johannah, Joy-Anna, and Joseph! Whew!! The statistics worked out correctly in the long run! haha. They are a very religious family with very conservative values. Some of their values I don't think I could stick to or have our family stick to like the idea of courtship where instead of dating, you ask permission from the girl's parents and you basically court the girl you want to marry. You also can't kiss until you are married. I respect their values and they seem to have what it takes to keep a beautiful family and marriage together so they must be doing something right.

There is such a thing called "Duggar time" where they always have to tack on at least 30 mins to an hour when they are getting ready to leave to go somewhere. Since there are so many people, it's just too hard to get everyone out the door on time. I love it that they call it Duggar time. hehe. I would like to have a big family and have the home be bustling with people...but at the same time it is a lot of work. So I think I'll just live vicariously through the Duggars.

Playdates

Rhys at the park on one of our playdates

Rhys and I have been trying to go to more playdates these days as Rhys has gotten more active. Rhys enjoys going to the park and looking at the birds. He is OBSESSED with birds. He loves watching them and asks to be taken to the birds if they are far away. He mimics the cawing sounds that the birds make (we have mostly crows in our neighborhood). So we both are getting to enjoy more of this early fall San Diego sun. Rhys likes to bit and pull at other children, I believe as a show of his excitement...but it usually scares the other kids. I've actually started to worry about his biting. He will come charging at another kid with his mouth open and proceeds to grab the kid's face, arms, clothes...whatever he can get his little hands on. It feels like after every playdate, I'm telling Stephanie about how Rhys tried to bite yet another kid today. Earlier this week, I went to go meet a woman I became friends with at a playdate and he ended up biting her boy's fingers! I saw Rhys bite the kid and he bit hard! The other kid had a delayed reaction to the bite, but he cried a lot. I felt so bad that Rhys was the bully. I know he doesn't know that what he's doing is wrong, but I can't help but be a bit more stern when it comes to his biting. I really hope that this is a phase and he will grow out of it soon. 

More~!

Lately I've been teaching Rhys some sign language here and there so I can better communicate with him. I've started with a few simple words: More, Eat, Milk, All Done, and Car. So far he's signed back More and All Done for sure. He signs more when he wants more food or when he wants me to do something fun again for him. I'm having a lot of fun signing with him because I really can sense that he wants to communicate with me. These days in the mornings, Rhys does this game where he rolls a ball under the crib and then grabs my hand and pushes it under the crib toward the ball, basically asking me to get it for him. He also will ask to be picked up and then proceed to point to where he would like me to take him...(it is usually outside that he wants me to take him to). It's fun and exciting being able to understand him more, but I can't always do what he asks me to do (like give him a mini twix bar) so he gets frustrated too. But overall we have a great time with it. He understands the word milk as well. When I ask, "Do you want milk?" He stops what he's doing and walks over to me with a BIG smile on his face. Love that kid!

Mind Blown...?

Well, it's more like eyes opened I guess. So when I was a kid/teenager, one of the things I did not like was my mom watching me eat. She'd make food for us and then just sit there at the dining table and just watch us eat. I'd get annoyed at her and ask her why she had to do that. Her reply was, "I just want to see you eat." Well I finally figured out why she loved to watch us eat...

Everyday, I think about what I am going to feed Rhys today and if he'll like my food. Many times I put a lot of effort into making something and Rhys wants nothing to do with it and would rather eat fish sticks. So when Rhys actually likes something that I make for him, I can't help but watch him eat his food. It brings me such joy and pleasure when Rhys uses his chubby little fingers to grab the food and bring it to his mouth. But I realized that I was sitting there...watching him eat. I imagine that I would probably watch him eat for years to come just out of habit. But I hope that Rhys doesn't get annoyed at me for watching him enjoy my cooking. I hope he will just continue to put on a great eating show for me and make me feel so happy.

Planning planning

I'm not much of a party planner of any sorts. I definitely don't have the arty crafty side in me. I think I may have when I was younger, especially with making clothes and sewing bears/pillows/bags. But these days I think the craftiest thing I do is knit...but even that has taken a back seat to Rhys. Is cooking considered being crafty? I don't think so...

Anyways, I have two parties that I am kinda sorta planning. I have Ruby and Raf's baby shower that will be happening this Saturday. I have to buy some of the food and decorations and the cake. I'm a little worried that some of the decorations that I bought from Amazon have still not arrived yet...but it's okay because I know that I can go to Party City and get any emergency decorations if needed. I also have Rhys' first birthday party to kinda plan as well. It's pretty much the decorations and the cake/favors...but I feel like I need to make it look pretty since it is a big event. I custom ordered some blocks with Rhys' name painted on it. I also ordered a Happy 1st Birthday banner, and....wait...that's all I have. I probably will be ordering a cake and Stephanie said that she would be making some sort of sweet treat for our favors. I also have to buy some cute balloons.

I also have started to think about making a simple quilt to put over Rhys' door to try and reduce the outside noise from bothering him when he sleeps. I have to first check to see if my sewing machine even works...haha. I was initially going to replace the door from the current hollow-core door to a solid-core door, but I feel like that is a lot of money and it may not even fix the problem. I should try a cheaper alternative before going for the big change. So I have to be more crafty these days....for my sanity's sake. Otherwise, I will just become a meaner and grumpier mommy who gets mad at her husband for coughing and farting too loud! Yes...that is me....sorry Brian.

I'm writing this as I sit in my bedroom with the baby cam on, watching Rhys fidgeting while he takes his first nap of the day. I hope he sleeps for 15 more minutes!! please!!!

Oh yes, I read my sister's well being blog the other day www.thewellbeingproject.blogspot.com and found out about this app that you can install on your smart device and it can adjust the light setting on your device so you won't have to strain your eyes! I have the baby cam on pretty much all night and it tends to be pretty bright when we are sleeping. After installing a similar app (mine didn't have f.lux) I can sleep without the big white glare of my screen. Thanks Carol! Keep up the good work!

I think I may go rollerblading with Rhys and Julian. I am a bit hesitant because it is 5 miles long but I think I will feel better afterwards.

Rhys after eating spaghetti and some cake
 (weird combo, I know)

It's picture time!!

Rhys is 9 months old already! I can't believe that in only a few months, he will be 1 year old! Time seriously flies. It was like yesterday when we brought him home and put him in his crib that looked like it was just so big for him. He is so big now. Whenever I tell people how old he is, they say that he is so big! I still remember spending my days sitting on the couch with him in my lap and watching TV. I can't really watch TV while he is awake these days because you will see his eyes glaze over and he will stare at it for a while. I still manage to watch my Long Island Medium episodes on Mondays though...I can't miss that. 

I can't believe I've been unemployed for so long. I was so hoping that I'd be able to find a job by now, but things just haven't worked out for me. It's come to the point where I think I may have to take a refresher course so that I am even eligible for these positions. But on the plus side...I don't miss a single moment of Rhys growing up. I don't have to get a report of all the wonderful new milestones that he is meeting from a nanny/babysitter. I get to see it all and record it all. These days, his thing is clapping. He is starting to clap when he is excited. It is just about the cutest thing in the world!! He is also blabbering a lot more these days. His favorite word these days is "Daddae". He makes poop faces like a real human being, making grunting noises that go along. Rhys is also very much interested in food. I've been feeding him Cheerios and freeze dried baby yogurt chips so he can work on his fine motor skills. In about 2 weeks, his ability to transfer food from his hands to his mouth has increased drastically. He's figured out that in order to get the food in his hand into his mouth, he has to open his hands to release the food that he has just grasped. I've also been feeding him more foods that the whole family can eat. I've given him Chicken Pot Pie and Meatloaf. Of course, it is baby friendly with very little salt. But I have to admit...it tastes pretty good! 

He is also very interested in whatever I am eating. If he spots me drinking a glass of water, he will stop what he is doing from across the room and quickly make his way over to me and try to grab it. He is getting pretty good at drinking from a straw these days...although most of what he sucks up ends up on his shirt and his pants. I figure it is good practice. I can hear loud GULP noises when he drinks and I am so sure that he is drinking way more that he can handle. You know that feeling when you drink too much in one gulp and it hurts your throat...that happens to Rhys often. After a few sips from his cup, his face gets red and he lets out a loud grunt. It's quite funny. 

I'm so blessed to be able to be there for all of these precious moments. 

Anxiety Attacks!!

So an update on the Sleep Training. He's sleeping 6-7 hour stretches! But he wakes up and cries for 15-30 minutes on some nights because he still doesn't like his crib that much. So after he goes down which is around 7:30 ish, I START to make dinner and eat by 8 or so and once dinner is done and I do some dishes and try to drink a cup of coffee, it is already close to 9:30. I wait until 10 pm to pump and then go on the computer for a little bit before I shower and get ready for bed. I'm in bed by 11:30 or so and then as I begin to close my eyes, I hear him wake up and start to cry. The sleep book that I bought told me not to go immediately into his room, but rather wait for 5 minutes of crying before stepping in to reassure him. The thing is...he will cry for 4-5 mins, and then try to go to sleep and then wake up again...even more furious and cries again for another 5 minutes and then tries to go back to sleep. This sometimes goes on for 30 minutes to an hour at worst! All I can do is sit/stand in my room and watch and pray that he falls back asleep. My heart starts to race and I can feel the vein in my head start to pound....but I must wait. Is he hungry? Is he cold? Is his diaper full? All things I can't check while I am in the other room. But I can't go in because it would ruin the training. The book says that as long as he tries to soothe himself, I have to start the timer all over again. I restarted the timer about 15 times last night around 3 ish. He cried on and off for 1.5 hours! I get so much anxiety because I have no control over how he goes back to bed. I can't just go in there and nurse him because it would ruin all of the progress that we've made so far. So I have to watch and hope that he sleeps. I don't rejoice when he puts his head down because I know that in about 1 minute, he will wake and cry even louder. I even get mad at Brian for saying things like, "that was easy" or "he went down pretty fast" because the baby always wakes up when he says that.

I get so sad for making him cry so much, but the book tells me that babies need to learn to soothe themselves back to sleep. I have a very persistent baby...and that means that I am getting even less sleep than I was getting before. And what's worse is that now I have insomnia and anxiety to add to the list. I'm lucky if I can get an hour of sound sleep at a time these days. I wake up in the middle of the night to the baby crying, almost like someone would wake up if they heard, "FIRE!!!"

Rhys fell asleep 2 hours past his normal bedtime. I hope he sleeps in...

<Yawn>

Sleep Training, Take 2

Sigh...I actually broke down and cried in front of Brian this morning as I was holding the baby and rocking back and forth on my knees around 6:30 this morning. Rhys has been sleeping very poorly ever since I have been back to exclusively taking care of Rhys. I think back to the days when Rhys would sleep 4 or 5 hours on his own. These days he sleeps 2-3 hours when I first put him down for bed, but afterwards, he wakes up every hour pretty much the rest of the evening. I take him to bed with me around 1 or 2 am when Brian finally stops playing video games and gets into bed. We fall back asleep just fine after the move to our bed, but Rhys wakes up quite frequently because he is either in need of my boob or that the bed is too small for him to really move around in. He gets stuck in a position that has become uncomfortable and when he tries to move, he realizes that there isn't that much room to move. I've actually fallen off of the bed because Rhys basically rolled his way to the edge of the bed and I try to make room for him to roll as he pleases so he would go back to sleep. I fold up in these weird positions and I wake up with such a soreness in my ribs of all places.

This morning was not any different from other nights, but I think I was at my last straw. I think I may have scared Brian a little with my crying in the morning cuz he called around 2pm today to check up on me. So, I bought the Cry It Out book by Dr. Ferber. It isn't what you think though. It is not put your baby in the crib and leave and not come back til the morning. It's a progressive wait approach where you wait progressively longer intervals before you go in and check on your baby to reassure him that I am still near and reassure myself that he is okay. I waited 2 minutes, then checked up on him. He cried to be held and taken out of the crib, but I laid him down instead and told him "night night". He did NOT like that. He cried even louder and was not going to be consoled by my rubbing his back and patting his butt. I did that for about a minute and then I slipped out of his view and waited for 3 minutes this time. It was so hard watching him cry and look around for me and try to climb the bars of the crib. When I went back to check on him, he actually got his little self up to a standing position and wailed for me to pick him up. I rubbed his back and then put him back down in his crib and continued to listen to an even louder protest from him. I waited another 4 minutes and then...he kinda looked like he was gonna go to sleep, but after about 20 seconds, he woke back up and cried even more furiously because he realized that he was alone. After another 4 minutes, I went to check up on him and reassured him that I was not totally gone. Finally after about 15 or so minutes of crying...he went to sleep on his own. I waited another few minutes to make sure that he was really going to stay asleep and then walked to the kitchen to get some water and repeated over and over that I was sorry I had to do this to him. Hopefully he will get used to this without too much trouble.

I think my biggest battle will be when he wakes up again and I have to do this all over again...


Wish me luck.

Evenings to myself...and Brian

I am starting to actually enjoy some time to myself in the evenings. Rhys has been getting a little bit better at sleeping on his own these last few days. Last night he slept for 3 hours straight and that gave me time to eat dinner with Brian, take a shower, enjoy some coffee and some Korean television. I think he was sleeping well when I was in LA with him, but back then I was too busy trying to get some studying done that I wasn't able to enjoy this free time that I had. But I should probably be using this time to catch up on sleep instead of wasting time going on the internet. But I love this time to myself since I am basically stuck to a baby during the day....or more that the baby is stuck to me. He is crawling these days and most of the time, he is crawling to me. Crawling on me like I am some mountain he needs to get to the top of....haha my boobs are the mountains that he needs to get to...haha.

Today was actually not a great day for Rhys. I was trying to read him the Go the F**k to sleep book this morning and he ended up falling on one of the corners of the book and put a gash right under his right eye. I felt so bad! He cried like when he got his immunization shots. I think I say "I'm so sorry Rhys" about 100 times as I cleaned his wound and put some A&D on it. I had planned on going to Target today, but after this accident, I seriously started rethinking my plans. I didn't want other people thinking that I did this to my kid on purpose. The wound made kind of an exclamation mark in red so he almost looked like a clown from afar with a teardrop under his eye. I decided to still go to Target because I didn't do anything that I was ashamed of...I just felt bad that it happened. Right when I get in, I overhear a man walking with his family saying something about the status of Rhys' face. I try and ignore it and carry on with Rhys in the ergo. We look at all of the aisles and end up at the toy aisle where I picked up two toys for him. I picked up a remote control and a Lion King toy push car-ish type thingy. He definitely likes the remote control, but I'm not sure about the other toy. We'll see. On my way out, I picked up a Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino for 50% off because it was a Frappucino happy hour! Yay! Anyways...I think I drank that drink in like 10 minutes because I was done by the time I got back home.

The house smelled so yummy because I had a pork roast slowly cooking in the crockpot. MMMMmmmmm. The roast just melted in my mouth cuz I had it in there for 8 hours. Minimal work for me, but I get such wonderful outcomes. Love the crockpot!

I'm watching Rhys sleeping on the monitor and he is starting to move around. I partly think it is cuz he is cold. I think I'll go in and put a blanket on him or something. Here is a pic of him kinda curling up a bit...

Hanging out with Dad

I took my mom to the airport last night for her flight to Korea. She is headed there for my cousin's wedding and also as a religious ambassador for my aunt who is fighting colon cancer. She will be there on a 10-day trip. I'm hoping that everything goes smoothly and she has a great time and returns home safely. So today is day one of a mom-less world. I woke up at 7 in the morning and usually I would saunter over to the living room to see what my dad was cooking up for breakfast...but today...no one... I figured that without mom to relieve me of my baby caring duties, I would probably not be able to shower unless I did it before Rhys woke up. So I took my tablet and turned on the baby monitor and went into the shower with my door open a crack so I could check up on Rhys. He luckily stayed asleep the whole time I showered and got ready. He slept for a good hour after I got out of the shower. I had time to clean my mom's makeup counter and start heating up water so I could have a little oatmeal. Rhys and I played and then napped around 11 am. I was a lot more tired because it was just me taking care of him, so I decided to take a mid-morning nap with Rhys as well. We slept for about 2 hours and then headed over to dad's store to eat lunch with him and hang out with him. Rhys played really well with the customers, especially this big black lady who called Rhys a "healer". She had ginormous boobs and Rhys was patting them...probably thinking about all the milk that could be in this set compared to mine.

The next day...

I woke up again to an empty house...well Rhys was with me of course. I really started to miss mom today. I didn't realize how lonely it is without her. Well Rhys was a bit cranky this morning cuz he decided he wanted to wake up EVERY HOUR last night. Sigh... I punched the bed because I was so tired of waking up and putting Rhys back to sleep. Anyways...since he was cranky and needy in the morning, I just ate some eggs that I hard-boiled the day before. To sum up my morning...Rhys slept for only 30 minutes and wanted to be held by me the whole time. I decided that I couldn't spend the whole day with him in a cruddy mood, so I made some omrice and headed to dad's store. Dad gobbled up my lunch that I made for him and I saved him $10! Rhys is quite the socializer. He was happy as clam once we were out and about. We took a stroll around the block and I got some coffee from Tom Tom's or whatever. I had him in the front carrier and walked around the store and next door to the cafe where dad tried to get us some free drinks...fail...haha.

I got Rhys to sleep another 20 minutes around 4 ish when I took a stroll, but that was it...no more naps until 6:30 pm when we went home. That's when he decided he was gonna go to bed for the night. That gave me and my dad time to enjoy a nice and quiet dinner. We had an el pollo loco-like dinner...but this place is Korean so they gave us the sweet pickled radishes! Yay! (....Rhys is fidgeting.....please go back to sleeeeeeeep....)

I think I will stay in LA until Saturday morning if Dad doesn't have any plans for dinner without me. I should keep the man company since he will be alone for a week without anyone at home. Poor daddy. He fell asleep earlier this evening with hair dye still in his hair. I had to wake him up twice before he got up and showered. Love my dad. He sleeps so early...hehe.

Busy Monday Morning

I woke up today at 4:30 am to pump and leave for SD. I dropped Rhys off at his Grandparent's in Camarillo for the week. I'll be seeing him this Thursday. Good thing he's not with me right now because I came down with a cold today. I was feeling quite stuffy in the nose yesterday afternoon and kinda had a feeling that my body wasn't 100%. I think I may have overdone it with a hike at Griffith Park and a trip to Costco...all while carrying Rhys on my back and on my front, respectively. I think I hiked for a good hour. I was feeling actually quite accomplished that I did so much with a baby on my back...but around 4 in the afternoon that day, I realized that I lost my driver's license. I put it in the zipper pocket of my Ergobaby carrier on Friday when I went for my 1st hike with Rhys...but on Sunday, I also put my phone in there and when I went from behind to grab my phone out of the pocket, I imagine that's when the license fell out without me knowing. I looked high and low for it, but it was nowhere to be found. I think that was a bummer and all that searching probably stressed me out a bit too. What was worse was that I had to drive an hour in LA traffic (come on...traffic on a Sunday?!?) to drop Rhys off in Camarillo. Luckily Rhys fell asleep and stayed asleep throughout the whole trip. So around 7:45 pm, I drive back down to LA, pump and begin to pack my belongings to head back to SD. I was going to take a short nap and then just decided that I would wake up early on Monday morning. So I get in bed around 10:45 and ask my mom to wake me up at 11:30 so I can pump again and then went right back to sleep. Luckily the drive back down to SD was fairly easy. I arrive in SD around 7 am and frantically look for my passport thinking that I would need some form of alternative identification...but darn it...I can't find it. So I head over to the Poway DMV, ready to be sent back home without proper alt id, but apparently a fingerprint is more proof of identification than a picture! That makes sense. So around 8:30, I get outta there and decide to deposit some money at the bank. But poo...the bank doesn't open til 9 am. So I sit in my car for 30 mins until it opens and then deposit money. Then I was off to Trader Joe's to hopefully buy some veggies and fruit to make food for Rhys, but there isn't that much of a selection there today. I come home, PUMP, eat lunch, and decide to take a nap. I think this is where my cold really decided to kick itself in. I couldn't sleep for the first half hour because I couldn't stop this throat-itching cough. My feet were also unusually cold. I just couldn't warm them up. Woke up at 3 pm to feed the dogs a little early cuz I couldn't stand Julian whining at me...and then pumped again. So here I am...settling back down in bed to start studying before Brian gets home at 7 pm. Sometimes I feel like I don't do anything because I'm not working...but sometimes I think I'm pretty darn busy. I often think if I'm making more work for myself by insisting on continuing to breastfeed until a year, but at the same time, since Rhys was a preemie, I feel like he should get the best nutrition that he can get from me. I'm religiously taking my prenatals still and trying to eat healthy. I just wish this weight would come off!!! 7 months and I've still lost none of my pregnancy weight besides what I lost in the 1st month after delivering. I saw myself on video that my mom took of me changing Rhys' diaper and I was like..."Woah! Who is that chubby lady that sounds like me?!" Camera adds 10 lbs and I can't afford to look another 10 lbs heavier. I also found myself fibbing a little on my driver's license renewal form. I said that I was about 8 lbs lighter than I really am cuz I just couldn't bring myself to putting down my actual weight. Hopefully in the future I'll look at my license and go, "wow...I can't believe I weighed that much back then!". For now, I'm just gonna sit in bed and try to get some studying down.

Rhys with Big Gomo.

Sleeping through the night?

I bought this sleep training book called The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley in hopes of getting Rhys to sleep better because lately he was waking up every hour during the night and only taking measly 30 minute naps during the day. I was seriously going crazy and taking it out on Brian and also getting very frustrated at the baby, sometimes forcing my boob on him so he would just eat and go back to sleep..(which he did not appreciate). After about a couple weeks of constantly waking up every hour or so, I decided I needed a solution. I wasn't about to try the Cry-It-Out method so I found this book that claims you can get your baby to sleep better and longer without crying. I bought it, read it and really didn't find it that revolutionary what they were telling me to do. I really thought that it was going to be a step by step guide to help me, but it was more guidelines and various ideas that I could pick and choose from based on what kind of baby I had and what kind of method I used to get the baby to sleep normally. But in any case, I had to try something. So Monday night, I tried it out. I fed him, played with him in the dim room, had daddy play with him, came back into the dim room, put him down, pick him back up because he cried, nursed him again, put him down, picked him back up and rocked him, put him down, picked him back up and rocked him....I think I picked him up like 5 times. Every time I tried to lay him down, he would startle and cry and be angry. Finally after the 5th time, he was so tired that he went to sleep!!.....But only to sleep for 30 minutes and cry again. So I nursed him, rocked him and put him down and he went down again after a couple attempts, only to sleep for 45 minutes and then again later for 53 minutes. Needless to say, I was exhausted come 1 am...so I just picked up the little guy and moved back into bed and nursed him back to sleep and called it a night. He must have been tired because he slept for a 3 hour stretch after he came back into bed with me. Still, baby was cranky once morning came.

    I considered not doing the sleep training the following day, but I read a lot of positive reviews for keeping consistent and persistent with sleep training and that in the end, the baby and I would both sleep better. So I tried again to disassociate my boob with him falling asleep. I took the nipple out of his mouth when he looked like he wasn't sucking much to eat, but just to suck. I did as they told me and kept him mouth closed with my finger under his chin...and it worked! Although he slept for only 40 minutes, I was so happy that I got him to sleep after I took the boob away. 

   When the evening rolled around again, I decided we try this sleep training thing again. We fed him some carrots (he just started on solids last week) and I nursed him, burped him, held him, took him to daddy to play a little, looked around and said good night to the various things around the house, and then I took him into the room when he looked tired and put him down in the pack n play. He fussed and started to cry, so I picked him up, then I put him down and then picked him up again, and then put him down. I put a fuzzy blanket over him and then he started to fuss and pull the blanket over his face so I just watched him to make sure he didn't do anything dangerous. He started kicking both his feet up into the air and banged them down on the bed over and over, all the while he looks as if he is trying to smother himself or eat his blanket. I just kept an eye on him to see if his crying/fussing would get worse....but it didn't! He fussed with the blanket and his feet for about a couple minutes and then his fussing got slower and slower and finally, he stopped moving! His hands relaxed and he twitched a little, but it looked like he was actually drifting to sleep! It was aroud 9:15 pm. I made sure that the blanket wasn't covering his face and watched him....and watched him....and watched him. I was in my room watching Rhys and catching up on Downton Abbey until about 12:20 when Brian came in to sleep. He slept for 3 hours on his own! He fussed and shifted and kicked a few times during those 3 hours, but overall he was able to get himself back to sleep without much trouble. I was so shocked and delighted, but skeptical that it would happen again. Tonight is Thursday night, the 4th night of sleep training and he went down without much fuss. He was pretty tired though. I gave him 3.5 oz of breastmilk from a bottle, then rewarded him with my boob, and then I put him down in the pack n play and he just went down...no fuss! 

Here is a pic of him sleeping. 

The only difference with tonight is that he didn't get solids at dinner. It's my little experiment to see if it was the solids that helped him to sleep for 4 hours last night or if he is just maturing as a baby. 

Now, how to deal with him screaming his lungs out when I'm not around...hmmmm...I guess we'll have to deal with that when the time comes. I already feel bad for my mom...I better get her a nice gift.