Anxiety Attacks!!

So an update on the Sleep Training. He's sleeping 6-7 hour stretches! But he wakes up and cries for 15-30 minutes on some nights because he still doesn't like his crib that much. So after he goes down which is around 7:30 ish, I START to make dinner and eat by 8 or so and once dinner is done and I do some dishes and try to drink a cup of coffee, it is already close to 9:30. I wait until 10 pm to pump and then go on the computer for a little bit before I shower and get ready for bed. I'm in bed by 11:30 or so and then as I begin to close my eyes, I hear him wake up and start to cry. The sleep book that I bought told me not to go immediately into his room, but rather wait for 5 minutes of crying before stepping in to reassure him. The thing is...he will cry for 4-5 mins, and then try to go to sleep and then wake up again...even more furious and cries again for another 5 minutes and then tries to go back to sleep. This sometimes goes on for 30 minutes to an hour at worst! All I can do is sit/stand in my room and watch and pray that he falls back asleep. My heart starts to race and I can feel the vein in my head start to pound....but I must wait. Is he hungry? Is he cold? Is his diaper full? All things I can't check while I am in the other room. But I can't go in because it would ruin the training. The book says that as long as he tries to soothe himself, I have to start the timer all over again. I restarted the timer about 15 times last night around 3 ish. He cried on and off for 1.5 hours! I get so much anxiety because I have no control over how he goes back to bed. I can't just go in there and nurse him because it would ruin all of the progress that we've made so far. So I have to watch and hope that he sleeps. I don't rejoice when he puts his head down because I know that in about 1 minute, he will wake and cry even louder. I even get mad at Brian for saying things like, "that was easy" or "he went down pretty fast" because the baby always wakes up when he says that.

I get so sad for making him cry so much, but the book tells me that babies need to learn to soothe themselves back to sleep. I have a very persistent baby...and that means that I am getting even less sleep than I was getting before. And what's worse is that now I have insomnia and anxiety to add to the list. I'm lucky if I can get an hour of sound sleep at a time these days. I wake up in the middle of the night to the baby crying, almost like someone would wake up if they heard, "FIRE!!!"

Rhys fell asleep 2 hours past his normal bedtime. I hope he sleeps in...

<Yawn>